Random Thoughts
Aaaah! Finally my 7 1/2 month old son finally went to take his nap. Now I could unwind and stretch out my weary arms and legs a little bit.
Yes, raising a child may be physically demanding and sometimes energy consuming but it is very deeply rewarding. My mind would often wander when I am rocking my baby to sleep and I do not have the Ipone handy for immediate thirst for surfing.
Yes, I am living in America as what most FIlipinos would be dreaming of now. I feel very at home where I am now (our very humble one-bedroom condo in the middle of crazy Los Angeles) and I have almost entirely opened up my close-minded sould and to be finally get infiltrated to the core by the American culture (as if I am not yet infiltrated yet coming from Manila).
I guess I felt a big resistance to adapt when I got here 3 years ago. It felt like I struggled to hold on to the “Filipinoness” of me to retain my identity not just as a Filipino but me as an individual. I never even bothered to notice the way I was communicating so long as I speak the English the way I am accustomed with. To me, it is enough that I am able to get my point across. It did not seem to matter to me if I did not sould like any of the people deal with. That was probably why they can easily say I am new here.
It took years and a handful of constructive criticisms from my loving husband before I finally decided that I could put more effort letting go of the unnecessary Filipinoness I was holding on to.
One thing I have noticed was my new interest in politics and curretn events. For people who know me really well, this would be the last of my interests. They know I am very apathetic to all this power trip non-sense. To me politics, mostly in the Philippines is a terrible waste of time, money and energy. But now that I am a mother to Michael, I feel that I owe it to him to at least be aware of what his future going to be like based on the agendas of the politicians wanting to get a hand in running the most powerful nation on earth. It is not much on joining the rally for the candidate that I feel most likely to have the same values as I have. It is more of knowing who among the people surrounding us have the same values as we have based on the candidate that they pick.
I know that I do not have yet a complete understanding of what America is like to a real American, I wish I have though. To my amazement, all the perceptions I had once before coming here all turned out to be a big misconception. I am afraid that most if not all Filipinos who have no idea of what the real thing is here in America would still be living in a dissolutioned mindset or a dream based on a fiction.
This reminds me of the movie The Matrix. It is very hard to explain but indeed it is based on the current set up of this country. The only difference is there are no robots manipulating the humans. It is the same humans manipulating their kind.
